Earlier this morning, I was hesitant to write.
Maybe, it was because I remembered what our dean said during our dinner around two weeks ago, (just a few days before our March 30 graduation); and it went like this – “you know what, be careful about what you write in your blogs. Your future employees might read them if they want to do a background check on you.” (I even heard that some do check Friendster accounts.)
Or maybe, it was because I am again doubting my ability to contain all these thoughts (which recently was coming to me in voices) in words that are palatable to my readers (and that includes me, because for sure, I would want to read this sometime in the future).
For a moment, I disliked myself for the topics that I write about – love, pain, rants. An entry is either too negative, too melodramatic, too random, or too personal (too much of me, that is). I write in this blog as if no one is going to or CAN read it (whether they intended or not).
Some people might say that it could have been better if I just write movie/music/gig reviews or talk about politics, current events, the economy and other issues that make sense and are relevant to other people. BUT for now, and maybe in the next entries, I think that I would still choose to write about ‘issues’ that matter to me. Hehe. I feel that I am quite in a ‘phase’ right now that maybe, my thoughts and concerns (no matter how personal, pessimistic or melodramatic they may be) are still worth writing about.
Welcome to the Real World.
Whew. Job hunting is simply amazing.. amazingly challenging. I just realized how seeking for full-time employment is much much more difficult than applying for an internship program, hehe.
Thinking about how I became part of Globe’s internship program last summer, I could not help but be thankful to everything that made such possible (haha, yeah right, I just said Globe’s ‘tagline’). I underwent quite a screening process as well (i.e., resume, interview, case simulation exercise, business conference) but now, I just couldn’t believe how I got in (of course, it is Globe, with all the allowance, the training..). Just my luck, I guess.
Now, I have submitted more than resumes to companies, such as ad agencies, FMCG companies, broadcast networks, retailers. But as of now, I only got two callbacks – one from the retailer group, and one from ABS-CBN. As I wrote in the previous entry, interview with the first one was horrible but indeed quite a learning experience. As with ABS, I took the exam for the position of a PR writer. And grr.. I screwed up again. I believe that to a certain extent, it was really my mistake. Fine, I didn’t have any PR elective but after I was informed that they were assigning me as PR writer, I should have studied a few things about it. Hmm.. actually, I did my little research.
One, I watched some of the ABS’ soap on the night before my scheduled interview so as to familiarize myself with their current programs.
Two, I checked out their website; and googled “Public Relations” and “sample press release” because I was expecting them to make me write such.
And they did. I thought that I would only take the “Think Creatively with Words” test as well as the personality test. But no, the HR girl handed me another test specific for the position I am applying for. They did ask me to write a press release (in two languages), a column feed, and a letter to the editor. I am certain that for some people, such task is not so difficult, especially for those skilled in PR, and journ writing. Maybe the task is really not that difficult. As my friend constructively told me – maybe there’s something wrong with your attitude toward difficult things/situations.
Hay..
Right now, I am trying to figure out what I am truly passionate about. If there is a good that I squeezed out of those bad experiences, it is the realization of the importance of putting not only your mind and concentration into the ‘work’ that has to be done, but your heart as well. (As mushy as that sounds, I believe you will also come to a point when you’ll understand truly what I just said. :p)
For the past years, I have been doing things half-heartedly. Studying for long tests, accomplishing papers without cramming, – all of these helped me get those grades. Yes, there were instances when I enjoyed philosophizing, writing reflection papers, or pinpointing essences for certain brands, BUT if I could turn back time, I wish I had passion for learning per se – stripped off of all the letter grades, as well as the feeling of being forced to do all those must’s.
Discipline, of course, is another story. It doesn’t always go with passion. The former almost speaks of the mind, while – passion of the heart, or of the irrational, so to speak. But it does not mean that the two cannot go together. I believe, however, that if I have a cup of discipline, I would need a little over one cup of passion to come up with a good mix.
What makes me look at passion as something that is a little more important than discipline is the belief that the former makes one become less conscious that he is disciplining himself. Somehow, it gives a feeling of having less restraints, and thus, the illusion of greater freedom. (God, let’s not enter into a philo-theological discussion of what freedom is, hehe)
(yikes, I talk a lot, I am writing guided by the stream of my consciousness, obviously.) The question remains; so what is Teng passionate about? Let the quest / discernment begin.
in search of a happy place 